The most wonderful time of the year, or at least it used to be for me.
I am a self-confessed Chrimbo lover, I have always fully embraced the festive season, and have been known to belt out Michael Bubles Christmas album in October, As a child it was always such a happy time, we would wake up ( way too early ) and sneak downstairs to see if Santa had been. When my parents came downstairs, they would always make us wait until they had a cuppa before my Dad began handing out presents to us all.
When I had children I wanted to carry on this tradition, so we always spent Christmas morning at my parents house, with Dad still handing out the gifts, we all had so much fun, and loved to play silly games that always had my semi-drunk Dad laughing like a kid.
This year will be different.
This year, for the first time in my life I will be spending Christmas without my Dad.
My Dad passed away in August this year, I have always been a Daddy’s girl, and this has left a crater in my life. This year I don’t even want to celebrate. I want it to be the same wonderful, happy Christmas that it always was. How will my Mum wake up alone on Christmas morning?, who will hand out the gifts? who will share a glass of port with me after lunch?
I don’t want Christmas!
I’m a Mum.
I have children to think of, I need to move forward for them.
So I will celebrate, I will make the happiest of memories with my girls, after all, one day that is all they will have of me, and I want them to be happy. We will hand out gifts & play games and I will share that glass of port with my Dad, I will thank him for the 37 perfect Christmases that we had together, then I will play with my girls, laugh with my brother, hug my Mum and remember my amazing Dad.
Christmas will be different this year, not bad, different.
I will decorate my home, take my girls to festive events and I will try my very best to be the same crazy Christmas loving Mum I always am, only, my broken heart just might not be in it.
Take care, hug your parents, make those memories.